I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
