coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
