i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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