I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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