ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
