she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
