Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
