I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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