so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
