True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
