If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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