Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
