worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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