it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Terrible idea I love it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
