Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
