office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
