I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
