You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
