she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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