Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
