the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
