He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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