im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
