walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
