But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
