I feel great
I just peed on a car
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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