Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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