Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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