So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just cut my nipple shaving
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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