It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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