you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
