I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
