why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
