Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
