At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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