wrigley field is MILF paradise
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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