is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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