guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
