i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bring me that man meat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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