apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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