He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this just has baby written all over it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
