I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
