he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
