First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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