dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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