This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We are two peas in an std pod
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
