So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
