this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
