Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
