The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
