I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
